Monday, January 28, 2013

I Am Not Charlotte Lucas

(Images via here and here.)

Today is the 200th anniversary of the publication of Pride and Prejudice, as I'm sure you've already learned if you've spent any time on the internet today, and in honor of this celebrated occasion, I wanted to add my own voice to the surplus of Austenian commentary.

My first (recollected) introduction to Pride and Prejudice was via the BBC adaptation starring Colin Firth, a favorite of my father's, during my early high school years. However, it was not until I was 17 when I first cracked open the novel to end all novels in my romantic teenaged heart. Having recently experienced my first heartbreak, I was primed for the wit of Lizzy, the absurdity of Mr Collins, Mr Darcy's heartfelt declarations of love (both of them), and the idea that true love can prevail over all adversity. Nothing is more appealing to an impressionable young woman than a witty, opinionated, independent heroine who wins the devoted love of the greatest gentleman in the county (read: most popular guy at school), who is also an upstanding person in possession of a kind and generous heart. Pride and Prejudice was like catnip to my nerdy high school heart.

I not only loved Lizzy Bennet, I wanted to be her. And for the next several years, I truly felt like I was her. I took total ownership of Lizzy in my heart, framing my own sense of humor after hers - ironic, challenging, though I'm afraid my humor has a bit more bite to it (consider it a natural progression based on the times) - and learning to observe the world around me, satirizing it in my mind with an eye for the ridiculous. I'm even self-aware enough to be honest in that I share many of Lizzy's flaws, including a stubborn streak and disinclination to accept another person's point of view if it does not match my own. (I'm working on it.)

I've even kept an eye out for a dashing stranger to whom I could take an immediately disliking to based on a slight against my vanity, then through great trial and upheaval, fall madly in love and get married in a double ceremony with my sister and her beau. No such luck there, unfortunately. (I haven't got a sister.)

Adopting Lizzy's personality was mostly successful for the first few years, but time, with it's unfortunate tendency to pass, has caught up with me. I'm no longer a lively 20 year-old, but a woman of 28 (soon to be 29) years. Now, when I revisit my favorite story through either film or novel, I often catch myself identifying not with our darling Lizzy but with poor Charlotte Lucas.

What's happened to me?! (If there is any circumstance that calls for an interrobang, it's this one.)

In the novel, at 27, Charlotte Lucas is "on the shelf," with very little opportunity to make a decent marriage, which would otherwise leave her completely dependent upon her family for the rest of her life, be a laughing stock as an "Old Maid", and never enjoy the comforts (ie independence) of having her own home. With little to no prospects on the horizon, Charlotte agrees to marry Mr Collins without hesitation. Does she love him? Of course not, but what choice does she have? She wants a home, a sense of purpose and identity, which Mr Collins can provide.

Lizzy, of course, is aghast, but she would be. Lizzy is notorious for her iron sense of will and independent spirit, which Charlotte clearly does not possess, but is most likely quite envious of. To Lizzy, marriage without love is out of the question, because her very nature is opposite to that kind of conformity. She is consistently rebuked for her opinions (if not for having them, for freely expressing them), and it is clear that she finds great pleasure in challenging the status quo. To Lizzy, settling would never be an option.

But what else does Lizzy have that Charlotte does not? The luxury of youth. Lizzy's idealism is as much a product of her youth as it is her general personality. Charlotte, on the other hand, has several years on Lizzy and the maturity to understand that love is not always a requirement for marriage.

Naturally, all of this is in the context of pre-Victorian England during the early 1800s with which the novel takes place. A far cry from 21st century America.

Like I said, I'm 28, about to be 29, and at a stage in my life where the majority of my friends are married, making their first contributions to the baby boom, and buying their first homes. I own a cat.

On my bad days, I feel a lot like Charlotte - getting closer and closer to 30 (which feels like The End), watching all my friends find happiness, while the best suitors I get put even Mr Collins in a respectable light. Did I squander my time as Lizzy and let Mr Darcy slip through my fingers, now cursed to spent the rest of my days as Charlotte, in a loveless, ridiculous marriage?

The older I get, the more I start to question my notions of relationships and marriages and wonder if the things I prioritize in a relationship are the things that are really needed to have a successful marriage. Arranged marriages start looking rather attractive once I start going down this line of thought.

And then I slap myself.

I am not Charlotte Lucas. I am not necessarily Lizzy Bennet either, but I am definitely not Charlotte Lucas. Charlotte comes from a time where women had basically no chance of advancing in the world through any means other than marriage. Charlotte could never forgo marriage, move to London, get a job doing something she loves, and spend the rest of her days living how she desires, with or without a man. England and the society of that era would never allow it.

Lucky for me, I can do just that if I so well please. So what, I'm not married, don't own a house, and don't have anybody relying on me as their sole source of nourishment. I have the luxury of living in a time and place where women are independent, can make their own choices, and seek their own happiness.

It's time to stop thinking of 28 as being past my expiration date. Just because I'm not married yet, doesn't mean I won't marry. I have all the time in the world to find my Mr Darcy and until such a time, I plan on making the most of the freedoms of my era, in whatever ways I see fit.

If you find yourself making the same mistake as me, thinking you're a Charlotte, take a step back and consider all the advantages you have at your fingertips. You don't have to settle for anything, least of all for being like Charlotte. Our happiness is our to create and lucky for us, we don't need a husband's signature to do it.

1 comment:

  1. Nikki/Lizzie

    You and she share common elements of personality; Strong willed; independent-mindedness; adventure in your soul; and a caring heart. You are definitely not Charlotte Lucas! If you were she I would have way fewer grey hairs.

    Those who try to please everyone usually end up pleasing no one including themselves. Try to please those whom you love and who are important. But live YOUR life

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