I Am Not Charlotte Lucas

(Images via here and here.)

Today is the 200th anniversary of the publication of Pride and Prejudice, as I'm sure you've already learned if you've spent any time on the internet today, and in honor of this celebrated occasion, I wanted to add my own voice to the surplus of Austenian commentary.

My first (recollected) introduction to Pride and Prejudice was via the BBC adaptation starring Colin Firth, a favorite of my father's, during my early high school years. However, it was not until I was 17 when I first cracked open the novel to end all novels in my romantic teenaged heart. Having recently experienced my first heartbreak, I was primed for the wit of Lizzy, the absurdity of Mr Collins, Mr Darcy's heartfelt declarations of love (both of them), and the idea that true love can prevail over all adversity. Nothing is more appealing to an impressionable young woman than a witty, opinionated, independent heroine who wins the devoted love of the greatest gentleman in the county (read: most popular guy at school), who is also an upstanding person in possession of a kind and generous heart. Pride and Prejudice was like catnip to my nerdy high school heart.

I not only loved Lizzy Bennet, I wanted to be her. And for the next several years, I truly felt like I was her. I took total ownership of Lizzy in my heart, framing my own sense of humor after hers - ironic, challenging, though I'm afraid my humor has a bit more bite to it (consider it a natural progression based on the times) - and learning to observe the world around me, satirizing it in my mind with an eye for the ridiculous. I'm even self-aware enough to be honest in that I share many of Lizzy's flaws, including a stubborn streak and disinclination to accept another person's point of view if it does not match my own. (I'm working on it.)

I've even kept an eye out for a dashing stranger to whom I could take an immediately disliking to based on a slight against my vanity, then through great trial and upheaval, fall madly in love and get married in a double ceremony with my sister and her beau. No such luck there, unfortunately. (I haven't got a sister.)

Adopting Lizzy's personality was mostly successful for the first few years, but time, with it's unfortunate tendency to pass, has caught up with me. I'm no longer a lively 20 year-old, but a woman of 28 (soon to be 29) years. Now, when I revisit my favorite story through either film or novel, I often catch myself identifying not with our darling Lizzy but with poor Charlotte Lucas.

What's happened to me?! (If there is any circumstance that calls for an interrobang, it's this one.)

In the novel, at 27, Charlotte Lucas is "on the shelf," with very little opportunity to make a decent marriage, which would otherwise leave her completely dependent upon her family for the rest of her life, be a laughing stock as an "Old Maid", and never enjoy the comforts (ie independence) of having her own home. With little to no prospects on the horizon, Charlotte agrees to marry Mr Collins without hesitation. Does she love him? Of course not, but what choice does she have? She wants a home, a sense of purpose and identity, which Mr Collins can provide.

Lizzy, of course, is aghast, but she would be. Lizzy is notorious for her iron sense of will and independent spirit, which Charlotte clearly does not possess, but is most likely quite envious of. To Lizzy, marriage without love is out of the question, because her very nature is opposite to that kind of conformity. She is consistently rebuked for her opinions (if not for having them, for freely expressing them), and it is clear that she finds great pleasure in challenging the status quo. To Lizzy, settling would never be an option.

But what else does Lizzy have that Charlotte does not? The luxury of youth. Lizzy's idealism is as much a product of her youth as it is her general personality. Charlotte, on the other hand, has several years on Lizzy and the maturity to understand that love is not always a requirement for marriage.

Naturally, all of this is in the context of pre-Victorian England during the early 1800s with which the novel takes place. A far cry from 21st century America.

Like I said, I'm 28, about to be 29, and at a stage in my life where the majority of my friends are married, making their first contributions to the baby boom, and buying their first homes. I own a cat.

On my bad days, I feel a lot like Charlotte - getting closer and closer to 30 (which feels like The End), watching all my friends find happiness, while the best suitors I get put even Mr Collins in a respectable light. Did I squander my time as Lizzy and let Mr Darcy slip through my fingers, now cursed to spent the rest of my days as Charlotte, in a loveless, ridiculous marriage?

The older I get, the more I start to question my notions of relationships and marriages and wonder if the things I prioritize in a relationship are the things that are really needed to have a successful marriage. Arranged marriages start looking rather attractive once I start going down this line of thought.

And then I slap myself.

I am not Charlotte Lucas. I am not necessarily Lizzy Bennet either, but I am definitely not Charlotte Lucas. Charlotte comes from a time where women had basically no chance of advancing in the world through any means other than marriage. Charlotte could never forgo marriage, move to London, get a job doing something she loves, and spend the rest of her days living how she desires, with or without a man. England and the society of that era would never allow it.

Lucky for me, I can do just that if I so well please. So what, I'm not married, don't own a house, and don't have anybody relying on me as their sole source of nourishment. I have the luxury of living in a time and place where women are independent, can make their own choices, and seek their own happiness.

It's time to stop thinking of 28 as being past my expiration date. Just because I'm not married yet, doesn't mean I won't marry. I have all the time in the world to find my Mr Darcy and until such a time, I plan on making the most of the freedoms of my era, in whatever ways I see fit.

If you find yourself making the same mistake as me, thinking you're a Charlotte, take a step back and consider all the advantages you have at your fingertips. You don't have to settle for anything, least of all for being like Charlotte. Our happiness is our to create and lucky for us, we don't need a husband's signature to do it.

Bucket List: Club 33

In my last post, I mentioned that my 2013 mantra was to "Get it Done", referring to all the things I've wanted to do but, for whatever reason (mostly laziness), have made excuses not to do. This concept is something that I've been working on for months, even during last year while making good on 2012's mantra of "Make it Happen." A big part of my "Get it Done" plan is to work on my Bucket List.

In case you've been living in a well in the ground, a bucket list is a list of all the things you want to do/accomplish before you die, or (in more morbid terms) "kick the bucket." Often, a bucket list comes into play after somebody has received life altering news, such as discovering they have terminal cancer. That kind of eye opener really changes how you view the world and how you want to experience it, spurring you to go after your dreams like you've got nothing to lose.

We can all take a lesson from the people who really embrace life and live every moment to the fullest, to not take anything for granted. In that vein, I think, when it comes to bucket lists, why wait? Don't wait for tragedy to strike and give you a reason to go after what you want. Do it now and when your time comes (hopefully after a very long and fulfilling life), you won't have any regrets.

As an inaugural bucket list post, I wanted to get the ball rolling with an amazing experience I had last June. I've been absolutely remiss in my blogging, especially that it's taken me well over 6 months to report back on my incredible dinner at Club 33. (For a detailed history on Club 33, please visit this site.)

I remember hanging out with my best friend many, many years ago, Facebook stalking people (naturally), and coming across an old friend from high school who had posted pictures from her own visit to Club 33. We were blown away, realizing for the first time that plebeians such as ourselves could ever merit an entrance to the most exclusive restaurant at Disneyland. Club 33 jumped to the top of both of our bucket lists that day. For most Disney aficionados, a visit to Club 33 is the crown victory of all Disney experiences.

It was my greatest pleasure to be able to make that dream come true for myself and my best friend. I happened to have worked for a major corporation that owned a membership to Club 33 and once I discovered that exciting little piece of news, it was all I could do not to beg my boss for a reservation. (Truth be told: there was some begging.)

But you don't really care about this, do you? You just want to get to the photos of one of the most exclusive venues in all of California. (Fair warning, the following is photo-heavy, slightly out of order, and not of the greatest quality, I'm no professional photographer, but you should get a decent idea of how great Club 33 is.)

On opening day in 1955, Disneyland patrons came wearing their Sunday best, including high heels for the ladies. It was my best friend's dream to wear heels on Main St., USA just like those who came before us. Another box checked for unique Disney experiences.

It was my singular goal to ring the door bell at 33 Royal St. There was another party who arrived when we did and the hostess was gracious enough to let the other party in first, then humor us as we rang the bell. Goofy, but that's how I roll at Disneyland.

The view from our table, overlooking the River of America, and the french elevator that takes you up to the dining areas. You could also take the stairs, but I recommend the elevator, which was a replica of one Walt himself saw while on a trip to France.

A bit of the dining room and the decor, very classy.

The greatest people you'll ever meet.

As of June 2012, there were two menus: the Vintner menu, with specific courses, or an open menu that you could choose from. We all went with the Vintner menu, without the wine, and the chef even made special accommodations for my best friends, who are vegetarians. The staff at Club 33 will go out of their way to make your stay as magical as possible.

My dinner was absolutely delicious. Everything was cooked to perfection; I even willing ate seafood and liked it! I do not think you could go wrong with anything on the menu, but I really enjoyed everything that was served on the Vintner menu. I highly recommend going that route, as you get a little taste of everything.

Club 33 is the only restaurant at Disneyland that serves alcohol; having a cocktail was definitely a requisite part of the evening. We were also given complimentary shots on the house, and although none of us are big drinkers, we definitely appreciated the special gesture. Also, we decided it was prudent to have second desserts as the dessert menu is beyond decadent, it's obscene with deliciousness.

The ladies room at Club 33. I really couldn't resist taking photos in here. Nor absconding with a handful of monogrammed Club 33 hand paper towels. No shame here.

On the walls you'll find original concept art from Mary Poppins, The Happiest Millionaire, original photos featuring Walt Disney, as well as concept art for Sleeping Beauty's castle. There are also original prop pieces from the films, such as the table featuring the two vases under the castle artwork, which is from Mary Poppins, and the phone booth, which is from The Happiest Millionaire.

These are photos of the Trophy Room, a separate dining room, meant to resemble a gentleman's lounge.

Through door #1 leads to my favorite ride of all, Pirates of the Caribbean. Next time you're on the ride and are passing by the Blue Bayou restaurant, look up at the balcony to where the wicker chairs are. That door you see? It leads straight into Club 33!

After dinner, we were able to go out onto the balcony and watch Fantasmic! and the fireworks, as well as people watch. Having spent years on the ground and looking up at those balconies, wondering how I could get up there, I feel very accomplished having made it after all.

We had an amazing server, Chase, who made our night so special by bringing us Club 33 swag and tolerating our paparazzi-like tendencies (we unashamedly took photos of everything). Our night would not have been as amazing if it weren't for him!

After several hours (and trust me, we dragged it out for as long as possible), we eventually had to bid adieu to Club 33. With pretend tears, we said farewell, but not goodbye, as we will definitely be figuring out another way to once again enjoy the magic of Club 33.

(*Photos provided by myself and Kimberly Williams)

Wanted: Dream Job

Wanted: Dream Job, via.

Last August, my place of employment was bought out by another company that is based out of Ohio. For several months, my coworkers and I speculated that they would certainly close up shop in California due to the high cost of doing business in this state. Our fears were confirmed at the beginning of December when we were given our notice. As of March 1st, I will no longer be employed. Cue desperation.

Today's job market is not much better than when it was at its worst a few years ago, especially in California. The end of the year/start of the next is a notoriously poor time to find a job as most places haven't confirmed their budget for the next year. Although jobs may be posted, employers aren't really entertaining any thoughts of interviewing until they are certain the job will be funded. Cue panic.

I'm in an interesting place as far as my career goes: I don't really have one. I am in possession of two science degrees but I quickly discovered that, after a stint doing cancer research, science is not where my passions lie. I love words; I want to write. The jobs I'm interested in are in publishing. I think I'd be great as an Editorial Assistant, I'm just a tough sell because of my strange education/work background and lack of the catch-all English/Literature degree. Going back to school isn't a feasible option for me right now, since I'm still trying to pay off my other two degrees. Adding a third just seems greedy.

I'm doing my best to stay positive and I'm sending applications/resumes out everywhere. I'm not the type to put all my eggs in one basket, to my mother's relief, and I'm entertaining jobs outside of my preferred field as well. When it comes down to it, I've got bills to pay and I'll get it done - whatever it takes.

To keep my spirits high, I've made an excellent list of my dream jobs below. Everybody has a list of those jobs that they think they would absolutely love and be killer at, but truly have no chance of ever becoming due to lack of transferable skills - ie rock singer, space cowboy, double agent for the CIA (I'd kill to be Sydney Bristow).

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My Dream Jobs:

Staff Writer for a Sit-Com. Maybe it's because I've been listening to a lot of audiobooks by comediennes, but I would seriously love to be a staff writer for a tv show like Modern Family or The Office. The hyberbolic realism of these kinds of shows are so completely on par with my own semi-ironic-but-no-I-kinda-mean-it sense of humor, we'd be a great, no, fantastic fit. I haven't tackled screen writing yet, but I do live in LA and the starving artist that I'm aspiring to be has to write at least one screen play in her lifetime. Did I mention I live in a loft addition that is more or less a garret? I'm practically there!

Body Double. Even living in LA, I have mostly been immune to the Hollywood influence, with no real desire to Be A Star. Granted, I used to parade around my house when I was 14 emphatically trying to convince my parents that I had "Star Quality", even as I possessed no discernable talent apart from being a world class pain. This eventually turned out to be your standard, run-of-the-mill teenage egocentrism that is quickly squashed by the time junior year rolls around and you still haven't been kissed. That's when the Tortured Artist phase begin. Still waiting to grow out of that one.

No, I've mostly disregarded any real desire to be a famous singer/actress/model/athlete. However, the film process has always been a fascinating topic to me. I often enjoy the behind the scenes special features on a DVD more than the actual film. Anything that gets me a glimpse into the actual cogs of a working film is like catnip, I can't resist it. So, secretly, of course, I have kinda, sorta, always wanted to be a body double. I'm practically average in every way (a pseudo-mediocre Mary Poppins, if you will), including: height, weight, hair and eye color, etc. I'm moderately athletic, so with a bit of training and conditioning, I could probably wield a sword convincingly enough, ride a horse, fall off a tall building, or get blown away by an explosion with minimal to no harm to myself. I think I would rock at it, actually. I'm not afraid of much in terms of physical activity - I'll climb anything, seriously - and I'm not freaked out by gross stuff, I'll sit in a vat of mud if I have to. I'm extremely reluctant to do any nudity, which is probably why I'll never be a body double. Right, that's why my body double career would never work out . . .

I've actually been told on several occassions that I have a passing resemblance to Anne Hathaway, and my aunt is convinced I should be her body double. I would gladly volunteer to do so! (She does her own nude work, so I'm totally set.)

Kinda, sorta? AH photos via here and here.

Voice Actor. Okay, so maybe I lied about not really wanting to be an actor. I don't, not really. Put me on a stage and I'll clam up tighter than Scrooge McDuck's wallet. But voice acting for cartoons or reading audibooks? Sign me up! I already have a voice that sounds childish, often cartoonish (from what I'm able to discern from hearing myself on camera/voice mail, etc), I have even been weirdly complimented on my voice from a stranger in a Communications class I took in college. I'd need to work on my ability to create different voices for different characters, but again, I think I'd enjoy this career enormously.

Travel Correspondent. A la Samantha Brown. She has the best job. I love traveling and would find such great pleasure in learning about different cultures, exploring different cities, and reporting back my findings. I'm not the biggest foodie, but I'd give it the old college try if it meant I could travel anywhere in the world on somebody else's dime. I'd even eat raw fish, which is a HUGE concession for anyone who knows me. I think she's freelancing right now, but Samantha is about to give birth to twins, which will keep her fairly busy for quite a few months. I volunteer to cover any assignment that she is unable to complete. Please?

Meteorologist. Not really, but I do think they're kind of cool. They're the psychics of the science world. What other job lets you make wild Nostradamus-like predictions about the weather with limited accuracy or results, and still get paid?

I could totally do that.

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It may appear that I'm joking around and not wholly serious about any of these jobs - which is mostly true - but if there's a casting director or agency reading this and want to have a conversation about any of the above opportunities, I will gladly sit down with you and explore my options. No, really.

Until then, I'll hang in there and, with a little hard work and some luck, I'll get the job I've been dreaming of.

Someday, via.

2013: Getting It Done

What is the start of a new year without a few resolutions? I'm not a fan of resolutions, as I believe there is an innate shelf-life to them that ends somewhere in the middle of February. On the other hand, I love making goals. Last year, I set a few goals for myself and although I may not have achieved all of them to the degree I had envisioned, I'm still proud of what I was able to accomplish.

A big fan of mantras, last year was the year of "Make It Happen" and I believe I was successful in altering my outlook towards life as one of action versus inaction. You can either choose to be passive and let life happen to you, or you can take the initiative and make life happen for you. I infinitely prefer the latter. As such, I am taking what I've learned from the last year and have set a handful of goals for 2013 in what I am dubbing the year of "Getting It Done". There is so much I want to do in this life, from small things such as figuring out how to apply eyeliner without looking like I got sucker-punched, to big things like getting published.

Dreams are great, but they're all talk until you do something about it - so get it done!

For 2013, I will:

1. Move to either of these three places. There are current job prospects in all three locations, I think I could be happy in any one of them. Each city brings its own unique benefits, as well as its share of sacrifices, but they will all put me ahead in my career in different ways. Here's to moving forward!

Dallas, via.

New York, via.

Burbank, via.

2. Climb Half Dome. I grew up only a couple hour's drive outside of Yosemite, but I never took the opportunity to climb Half Dome. It may be a challenge to complete it if I live out of state, but I am planning to cross this off my bucket list come June. Friends, if you're interested in joining me in this endeavor, let me know - the more the merrier!

Half Dome, via.

3. "Do" Las Vegas. I have only ever driven down the strip, in daylight, no less. I want to do Las Vegas properly, with lots of high heels, impulsive decision making, haphazard dancing, and tons and tons of revelry.

Las Vegas, via.

4. Become a proficient swimmer. Historically, I've despised swimming in all bodies of water with a vehemence known only to the truly pathological. However, I understand the utility of being a decent swimmer - certainly not to an Olympic standard, but well enough so that I can reasonably keep up with my future kids during mommy & me swim lessons.

Become a proficient swimmer, via.

5. Write 12 Short Stories. While also working on my novels, I want to get some practice in, so 12 short stories it is. Short stories, I find, are a million times harder to write than a novel, but can be very rewarding in terms of learning how to become a better technical writer. One story a month, roughly 1500 words or so. I can do this. (P.S. I really want an Underwood typewriter. #love)

Write 12 Short Stories, via.

6. Be more flexible. Being more flexible will help in all areas of fitness, but I just think it would be amazing to be able to bend myself in half like this. The blog where this photo is from has more stretches to improve flexibility, to ultimately improve one's running, but I'd be content to just be able to touch my forehead to my knees.

Be more flexible, via.

7. Buy a dining table. This is a bit contingent on where I end up, but where ever I do go, so long as it fits in my apartment, I will make purchasing a dining table a priority. I went without one all of last year and ate most of my meals on my couch. I want to be a little more sophisticated than that and to actually eat meals at a real table. Plus, table top decorations are fab.

Buy a dining table, via.

8. Pay off a credit card. It's time to be very mindful about making wise financial decisions. I want to pay off one of my credit cards. And. I. Will.

Pay off a credit card, via.

9. Eat better. It's just about impossible for me to stop eating junk, but if I eat healthier stuff first, I'll have less room for the junk. It's basic physics, I just wish I could enjoy veggies more. I will work on it.

Eat better, via.

3. Read 50 classic novels. I have a fantastic list of 1,000 books in literature to read before I die. I haven't made much of a dent in it, so this year I will read 50 books from that list specifically. I tend to read a lot of rubbish and think it would be nice to broaden my knowledge of the classics.

Read 50 classic novels, via.

2013 is shaping up to be an incredible year. If you too have set some goals for 2013, I wish you all the best in achieving what you set your mind to. Get it done!